Being down on myself wasn't working for me either. The willingness to change and having the vision of the person I believe myself to be or want to become... Gets you a little down sometimes. I have to remember to take the reins. Leave it up to me to make the balances that would create the peace. My peace.

This was already given to me.

Today is a good day to die.
I will live it.
Courageously.
With dignity and humility.

I work in Downtown Los Angeles. Telemarketing, no less, at a little office right next door to a corporate building. It's a 6 desk office & is so small that we don't even have a bathroom and we use the one at the building next door.

It's raining outside. I walk next door to use the bathroom and against the Downtown of the city in the barren lobby of the building there is an Asian woman sitting on a chair playing a cello. There are four of us in the lobby and we are all silent. Beautiful.

Today is a letting go day.  

I regret opening my mouth that led to our break up.  I could possibly go back and regret even giving this chance when I know how different we are.  All coming down to two people trying to break their patterns.  One afraid and the other insane.

Now I am here realizing always that it's all suppose to come to me.  All suppose to happen.  The healing continues.

All kinds of wrong from the get go...

I've heard it put that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  

Puts optimism as such that it's just another form of insanity.

I hear you get knocked to the bottom before you can fully touch the sky.  I'm going down swinging.  Expends a lot of energy.  I think I just have to let it take me so I can feel around down in the dark.  Who knows what happens from there.  Crazy.

And we lost each other.  I lost him for my part.  

Today is a good day to die.

I will live it.

Courageously.

With dignity.